My Black Dog
The one and only Alfie Baxter.
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By John Gemmell
One of the only heart-warming experiences during Co-Vid ‘Lockdown’ is seeing lots of people experiencing the joy of welcoming a new puppy in to their lives. We experienced the opposite, as we lost our canine friend in the middle of lockdown.
Winston Churchill famously coined the expression ‘ My Black Dog’ to describe the impending arrival of mental health problems in the 1940’s. I never needed any warnings because my black dog never left my side.
He arrived in our home in early 2006 and was give the name Alfie Baxter. He was a black and tan Cocker Spaniel, with a dramatic white flash on his chest. The family could not decide between ‘Alfie’ from the Jude Law film, or ‘Baxter’ from Anchorman, so he simply became Alfie Baxter.
The puppy years followed a predictable pattern. The early promises of strict regimes and training never really came to pass. One stormy night, he ended up in our bed and never left. The proposed strict diet became replaced with putting on an extra sausage for him.
He would never have made Crufts with his slightly lop-sided gait and crooked smile. He also never took himself that seriously. It’s not that he was a disobedient dog, he just had a sense of humour that was always on show. We did try him on an Agility course once, and he simply ignored every instruction. I am convinced his silly smile was ever wider on the drive home.
You can buy a spaniel the most expensive range of toys, but to be honest, they are at their happiest with a simple tennis ball. Watching him fly across the beach, with his ears pinned back was a thing of beauty. Or chasing snowballs in the snow, until his paws turned to icy stalagmites and had to be thawed out in warm water.
They become your best pals and you become defined by each other. Everyone in the community would know him by name – but me, I was just Alfie’s Dad.
Of course he became spoiled. I even once booked a wedding photographer to make a video of him for my wife as a birthday present. He managed to rip a brand new Italian leather suite, but was granted an immediate pardon as it was just Alfie. I am pretty sure if it had been the children a custodial sentence would have followed.
I have had two occasions in my life where I have had problems with my mental health. A combination of anxiety and work pressures resulted in me running in to a brick wall. The downward spiral towards depression is both frightening and exhausting. Your brain takes over, keeps you up all night, makes you sleep during the day. The loneliness during the day, as your loved ones go about their daily schedules, can be hard on your own.
This was the point where I turned to my own Black Dog. He was not somebody to be fearful about, in fact the opposite. He never left my side, and was there for me every single moment. He had a sixth sense for when I was low, and used to sleep with his eyes only half shut, so that he could keep an eye on me, dolefully imploring me to get up, and take him a walk.
I recovered through love, medicine and therapy, but won’t ever forget that he played a huge part in the healing process. It was my wife that came up with the phrase ‘Nurse Baxter’, which suited him perfectly.
Dogs too will also suffer anxiety. Fireworks never bothered him, he was brought up in a loud family, so was used to it. The single biggest anxiety a dog will have is if they think there humans are leaving them, as they worry we might not return.
Of course every dog owner has to prepare for the inevitable fact that their best friend will eventually decline towards an elderly dog. It creeps up slowly and subtly. He no longer heard or barked at the postman, he went blind in one eye, his breathing became laboured, he no longer had the desire to actually catch one of those annoying pigeons. Although the one thing he never lost was his sense of smell, he would happily take on the role of personal security guard for a roast chicken. He still wanted to play , even on his last walk and even in his last hour, he still had a tennis ball clamped in his mouth.
However this is not a Marley& Me tale of human grief over their dog that has passed. This is a ‘tail’ of joy and happiness.
This is a celebration of loyalty and love, the millions of memories carved out during the thousands of walks, the ability for humans and dogs to commit to each other through a powerful bond. It is recognition that dogs can help make people better. It is the fact that dogs can improve a person’s health and vice versa.
We all can learn so much from a dog’s behaviour, personality, demeanour, resilience and commitment to provide their ‘human’ family with unconditional love, loyalty and companionship down to their last breath.
It is also recognition of the love and affection that helped me recover my mental well-being.
Alfie Baxter – my own Black Dog.
John Gemmell
13th April 2020